So I was back in the saddle driving again last week in a biggish trot through the midwest. It was more driving than I expected. 7 college shows through Iowa and North and South Dakota. It was about 2,000 miles overall, essentially like driving from New York to Denver. The thing I overlooked was that the Dakotas are not near any reasonably priced airports. My show at University of North Dakota was 100 miles North OF FARGO. I thought Fargo was so far North it was like, a US territory on the other side of Canada.

Well, since moving to Boston I haven’t had a car, so it was important for me to get my jones for horsepower back– my roadkill blood lust. I needed to bring back the Volvo Racer mindset.

Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for the Iowa Highway Patrol, I got my badass road warrior cred back as soon as I felt that seductive touch of synthetic rental car leather against my weathered skin. I felt that old familiar tug, and try as they might, I was a little too fast for the corn husking coppers. So fast, I got pulled over twice. And got two WRITTEN WARNINGS, mothafucka. One for speeding (76 MPH in a 70 zone), and one for making an illegal right turn against red (although I did come to a complete stop, signal properly and look both ways).

Sorry Iowa PD, you just got Waassked.